My dinner with Alexxxis
Well A strong turn in events for me has happened in the last few weeks. I started group therapy for my anger problem. Yes hard to believe(LOL), but I now have come to realize that our breakup (Alexxxis and I) was really all my fault. Yes I am taking blame for everything. I drove her out. I never really realized I have had an anger problem and emotionally and verbally had been abusing her. No wonder she fell out of love. I was so blind before, but I have seen the light. I am working every day on my problem and studying books to learn more about it. And in the last few weeks, thanks to my group, my Dad (he is a psychologist) and the book I have read. I am learning to recognize my anger problem and I am learning to deal with life and the anger I have in a different manner. I appologized not only to Alexxxis for all I had done in the past, but I also attempted to appologize to two of my friends that I also had done wrong out of my anger. It is a daily struggle learning to control this problem, but like drugs I am going to change this negative behaviour. And the results have been looking good so far.
I cooked dinner for Alexxxis tonight and we had a really good time, talking like the old days. Telling her I am changing and that I was sorry for all I did to hurt her in the past. I hope tonight is the beginning of a new path to maybe one day getting back together. I am not going to rush her, after all I have to prove to her I am different and things will never be like they were. We laughed and shared to each other about our own struggles we are going thru in this time apart. I am so proud of her being able to make it on her own and that she is growing into a responsible adult. I still love her with all my heart and was only trying to convince myself that I had moved on. When in fact I have not gotten over the emptiness in my heart since she left.
I look forward to spending more time with her as we become friends again and try to rebuild what I had destroyed.
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