Thursday, April 14, 2005

My dinner with Alexxxis

Well A strong turn in events for me has happened in the last few weeks. I started group therapy for my anger problem. Yes hard to believe(LOL), but I now have come to realize that our breakup (Alexxxis and I) was really all my fault. Yes I am taking blame for everything. I drove her out. I never really realized I have had an anger problem and emotionally and verbally had been abusing her. No wonder she fell out of love. I was so blind before, but I have seen the light. I am working every day on my problem and studying books to learn more about it. And in the last few weeks, thanks to my group, my Dad (he is a psychologist) and the book I have read. I am learning to recognize my anger problem and I am learning to deal with life and the anger I have in a different manner. I appologized not only to Alexxxis for all I had done in the past, but I also attempted to appologize to two of my friends that I also had done wrong out of my anger. It is a daily struggle learning to control this problem, but like drugs I am going to change this negative behaviour. And the results have been looking good so far.

I cooked dinner for Alexxxis tonight and we had a really good time, talking like the old days. Telling her I am changing and that I was sorry for all I did to hurt her in the past. I hope tonight is the beginning of a new path to maybe one day getting back together. I am not going to rush her, after all I have to prove to her I am different and things will never be like they were. We laughed and shared to each other about our own struggles we are going thru in this time apart. I am so proud of her being able to make it on her own and that she is growing into a responsible adult. I still love her with all my heart and was only trying to convince myself that I had moved on. When in fact I have not gotten over the emptiness in my heart since she left.

I look forward to spending more time with her as we become friends again and try to rebuild what I had destroyed.

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Tuesday, April 05, 2005

Why do tgirls feel a need to lie?

Well if I thought Joanne was the perfect girl I was mislead. I thought we had a really great time together. I thought she liked me in more ways than as a friend. But I was mislead. After our great day together, Joanne turned into a different person. All of a sudden the text messages, and calls either stopped all together or they changed tones. All of sudden she was too busy for me. Then last night at the Club (Club 7969, aka Peanuts)she showed up there with some other guy after telling me she was not going. Not even a hello from her. Wow was I fooled. Better to find out so soon then later. Well I ended any communication with her and told her not to bother me as I am not into the game playing she is obviously doing.

Another girl I spent 2 nights dancing with at the club turned into a possesive jealous person and we were not even a couple. She was starting gossip and picking fights with other girls I was seeing in the AOL shemale chatroom. Well I put a stop to that also.

This journey is proving to be far more difficult than I had hoped for. I forgot after 8+ years in probably the best tgirl relationship a guy could find that the scene is not as much fun as it used to be. I am spoiled by my past relationship with Alexxxis and the wonderful person she was and how she treated me overall. I truly miss her and still find it hard to get her out of my mind. I will see her today as we go to do our taxes together. I am trying hard to be her friend even though at times it pains me much. I really want the door to be open in case she realizes what we once had is going to be very hard to duplicate, as I am finding out myself.

Well more another day.


Sunday, April 03, 2005

A day with Joanne

Well today I had the good fortune to spend the day with a real hottie named Joanne. Another gorgeous filipina TS from Toronto, Canada. We spent all day together getting to know each other and I must say I had one of the best days I have had in months! We went to Venice Beach and walked around, and then drove up the coast and stopped at Moonshadows for lunch, then drove thru Malibu Canyon and along Mullholand Highway and back to my place. We just laid next to each other in my bed talking and getting to know each other. No sex, can you believe it! But it was the best time I have had in a long time. Then we went for some thai food in Hollywood, and I then dropped her off back at her hotel. Went I got home she called to thank me for the great day and tell me she had fun. I hope we can spend more time together and see where this may go. If I had to dream up a Tgirl to be with after my ex left me, this girl would be it. Time will tell where this new fork in the road leads. But I am enjoying the journey so far! Keep you all posted and thanks for stopping by!


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